RHNJ - Deaf and Blind

Have you seen this week's episode yet?  If not, don't bother.  It was pretty much a non-event.

First, we see Joe in bed.  We see this every episode.  Will this fat bastard ever get the hell out of bed?  Did you see when Teresa took the sheets away?  Joe was in these small, tight black undies.  Ew.  My eyes were burning!

Second, why was Gia singing?  Worst song ever.  My ears were bleeding!  Even Gia was crying because it was so bad.

On a positive note, I love Joe Gorga.  I want to be his friend.  I'm from Jersey too, Joe!  I'm Italian!  Let's be friends!  That Guidice guy is garbage. But, you, Joe, are the best! Don't let that fat bastard bust your balls.

Next week looks great.  I can't wait to see these morons go at it.

The Norwegians are coming! - RHNJ

As I have mentioned in previous posts, Teresa is one of my favorite "characters" on the RHNJ.  But lately, I've been starting to dislike her.  She's kind of a bitch (hmm some people say I am too). But all of the other castmembers are completely and utterly boring, so I think I have to like her. Actually, I think I like her because we have something in common - a poor grasp of the English language.

Both of my parents were born in Italy.  My mom's English is perfect (probably better than mine), but English is my Dad's third language.  His English is still awesome, but he makes mistakes.  For example, he says "mices" "fishes" and "womens."  I think he does this on purpose because he knows it drives me crazy. Anyway, I blame my parents for my inability to speak proper English (while I'm at it, I think I'm going to blame them for my decision to become a lawyer).

Teresa also has immigrant parents.  Many times I've heard her say "ingrediences."  Okay, that's pretty bad. Even my parents don't say that.  WTF is wrong with her? Didn't she go to grade school? Why doesn't anyone correct her?

In one of my favorite scenes, Teresa started talking about the Nor'easter that was coming.  She said the Norwegians were coming!  This led me to realize that Teresa does not have a poor grasp of the English language, she's just a moron.

Milania Giudice - RHNJ

I used to really dislike Milania, Tree's daughter.  She looks just like her mother (ugly) and seems like such a brat.  But then she said something brilliant two weeks ago.   Juicy Joe was babbling about something and Milania was pissed so she said to her father, "shutup you old troll!"   Awesome!  When I was four, I never would have called anyone an old troll.  Maybe it is because my parents never said bad words in front of me, or maybe I wasn't that smart.  Nevertheless, I am going to call everyone and their mother an old troll (see True Blood post).

This past episode, Milania was at Corrado's (hey, that's where Dad shops!).  She was jumping in the food bins and making a mess (maybe Dad should stop going there).  Afterwards, Teresa praised Milania!   I think it's because she was being filmed and couldn't beat the shit out of her.  Clearly, Milania wears the pants in that family.   I wonder what she'll do next week.

Albie Manzo - RHNJ

I hate this guy.  But, he's good looking so maybe I don't hate him that much.  Last season we learned that Albie was going to Fordham Law School, my alma mater.  At first I thought, who let this baccala in?  Then we learned he got kicked out because of bad grades (*chuckle*).  Caroline Manzo talked about it and cried.  Apparently, he has a learning disability (boohoo).   Both Caroline and Albie thought that Albie should be given a second chance.   NO YOU DON"T GET A SECOND CHANCE AT LAW SCHOOL.  You can't tell a Judge - Your honor, I have  learning disability, can I have more time?  Your honor, this brief sucks, but that's because I have a learning disability.  If you suck, you lose. End of story.  If you can't cut law school, you can't cut the real world, especially in this economy.  I have tons of intelligent friends who were fired and can't find good jobs, and this baccala wants a second chance?  Study harder and stop crying to mommy.   This guy is rich and has always had everything handed to him on a silver platter.  I'm glad Fordham said no.


Warning/Disclaimer:  I am not PC and will not try to be in this blog.  But I am sorry if I offended anyone with this post.

The Real Housewives of NJ

Sunday's episode was AWESOME!  Let's start with Teresa.  (Actually, let's only talk about her. The other characters bore me and I hate Ashley the Amazon.)   I love how she's late to her own book signing and doesn't even say "sorry I'm late."  It was really nice that Kathy and Rich showed up.  I don't really like Kathy (that chick has some weird eyes) but why couldn't Teresa be more enthusiastic and thank them for coming?   Oh well, I still love Teresa.

Next,  Joe and Melissa show up.  I love to hate Melissa.  Is it just me, or was it kind of creepy when Joe made Teresa sign his book with a special note and watch her write it?  Then he made her read it out loud!  Awkward!  Teresa was crying and all he did was give her a kiss.  He should have hugged her!  So what if Juicy Joe threatened him?  There has to be more of a backstory behind those texts.  Oh well I don't really care.  These threats make good TV.

Then we get to Joe and Tree's house. Juicy is plastered.  For some reason, unbeknownst to God, Juicy decides to do some gymnastics.  It was kind of weird when he yelled at Gia and her friend, but whatever, the best was yet to come.  Yes, he does a sideways sommersault and falls flat on his face, chipping a tooth at the same time.  It just doesn't get any better than this.  During the rest of the scene, you can see that his face is red.  He fell on marble!  LOVED IT!   Fall again!  Next time I hope you break something.  Ok that was mean, but, well, who cares?

After some crying by Gia (notice how Tree and Juicy tell Gia to shut up?), Juicy blabs that he dumped Tree's ass when they were dating and she crawled back to him.  Tell me more!  You know, I really used to like Joe and Teresa, but Joe is kind of a jerk.  Also, please stop acting like a guido.  Italians don't say YOUZ anymore.   Tree kept blaming Melissa, but I think she just said that so that Juicy would stop hating her brother (I love him).

Also, Tree, please don't ever wear that purple fur coat again.  I love purple, but that coat was disgusting.  I also hope that wasn't real fur.  Just because it is expensive, doesn't mean it's stylish.

The Manzo brothers are boring.  One of them is good looking, but stupid (haha you got kicked out of Fordham  - and don't get me started on that one) and the other has a big nose.  No you won't be able to sell black water.  If I wanted black water, I'd go to the Jersey Turnpike and drink out of the local streams.

What did you think of this episode?